So, I had a few brush-ins with kids this weekend -- real and virtual.
First the real: I went to a friend's BBQ yesterday. He and his fiance (mostly his fiance) are having a baby in the fall. They are super excited! At their party was a Dad and his twin girls -- about 2 years old. His wife was home with a 3 month old. I gave him a gold start for bravery -- taking twins to a friend's BBQ?? Wow.
My other friends were there, sans their little boy. He's adorable and almost 2. He wasn't planned, though his parents love him to death. But, I can feel from the Mom that she's not 100%-all-the-time on board with having a child. He's been sick a lot since starting pre-school, they can't hop on a plane and go to Jamaica, they have to get a sitter to go out with friends...And it's put a hamper on her career for sure. But, then she'd talk about him and all the words he's learning, and she'd just light up.
Contrast that with another friend -- he turned 30 this weekend, and he and his wife had a big party. Their daughter is the absolute light of their lives. The Mom stays home with the little girl, totally content to just be there and raise her.
My virtual run ins: Lil Kate is now the proud fiance to a man with 3 boys (ages 6-9). She has become "Instant Mom" in a way (just add water). Very different, because they aren't her biological children, they don't live with her and the Fiance all the time, etc. However, still a big adjustment and a big mental leap to take.
Second, is my friend (whose amazing blog is here). Her sister had a baby (unplanned, but very loved). My Friend can't wait to find her One and have a family. Her sister, however, is lamenting over missed social events and fun times with friends. I'm not AT ALL trivializing this sentiment...that's my sentiment! That's how I feel. My Friend and I are so similar, but we don't quite see eye to eye on the baby issue. I am trying to do some soul searching and figure out why I'm so reticent to jump in to the baby pool. [Unlike my Sister and Niece -- watch Hannah swim!] Perhaps when I have a stable job, income and house, it'll be different...???
3 comments:
Correction: 2 boys and a girl, ages 9, 8 & 6 (respectively) though she is a little tomboy, she is still technically a girl. ;)
Yeah, I can't say I'm terribly excited to have my own kid just yet, but maybe someday. Like you said, when things are stable, it'll be different. I have to be able to take care of myself before I can be expected to take care of others.
I love your "baby" posts. Trust me, there are times Matt and I wish we could just up and go somewhere without having to worry about packing diapers, bottles, extra clothes and a 20# kid. I'm sure we'll miss going on vacations, staying up late, hanging out with friends on a Friday night (sometimes I envy you and KP with all the fun stuff you guys do with your friends)... but we also wouldn't change it for the world. It's just something about "life" that we have accepted. Watching her learn to walk, stand, talk, clap, swim, and crawl to me SMILING and giggling when I walk in the door after a long day work........ melts my heart. Perhaps now is not the time (we were totally prepared to start trying). Perhaps when things are more stable for you (even though we weren't completely stable, we survived.) Keep praying... love you!
regardless of whether you have a child or not, i like that you aren't afraid to wrestle with this issue out loud. maybe your hunting/fishing friend is right -- the grass may always be greener. maybe in some (many?) cases, we tend to want what we don't have.
and everything we do is risk on some level, isn't it? if you take the chance to have a child, you may regret having less time with friends. if you decide not to have a child for a while, you may regret that, wondering what it would be like to have the joys of parenthood. for those who live in that space between two possibilities, you can see the positives and negatives of both...and that's what makes it so hard.
either way it's a risk. either way you may be missing out on something. either way, you're going to have great joys.
and either way, you'll be great at whatever it is that you choose to do.
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